Opinion – By Wyatt Remington Tater
May 1, 2025
America was getting too soft! Now that nobody can afford eggs, maybe we’ll finally return to our roots.
They say the economy is collapsing. I say it’s finally standing up for itself.
For too long, this country has been a bloated buffet of convenience. Avocado toast on demand. Same-day shipping for a single spatula. I once saw a man pay extra for pre-sliced bananas. That ain’t freedom. That’s decadence. And decadence leads to collapse—just ask Rome. Or Portland.
Now we’re staring down empty shelves, $8 eggs, and the kind of gas prices that make you whisper apologies to your truck. Good. Maybe now we’ll remember how to walk somewhere. Maybe now we’ll start boiling tap water just to feel alive again. Hard times create strong men, and we’ve been overdue for a little character development.
Back in my day (which was also somehow the future), we didn’t need brunch. We needed grit. A man could survive on jerky, well water, and constitutional pride. You want economic relief? Pick up a shovel. Plant a potato. Start bartering with your neighbor. Bring back local trade and firm handshakes. And if you can’t make rent, maybe you should’ve bought land and chickens back in 2007 like I told everyone in my group chat.
People act like inflation is the villain. But to me, it’s a teacher. A cruel, beautiful, gun-slinging teacher who’s here to remind us that strength isn’t built in air-conditioned office parks or on TikTok. It’s built under pressure. Like a diamond. Or a man fixing a diesel engine in a hailstorm.
So no, I’m not scared of this recession. I welcome it like an old friend with bad news and a bottle of Jack. Let the markets tumble. Let the apps crash. Let the influencers cry into their ring lights. Maybe we’ll finally remember what matters: family, liberty, wood-burning stoves, and not needing the government because you have a guy named Dale with a backhoe.
We were getting too soft, America. The economy didn’t fail us…we failed IT. And now it’s getting its revenge. Good.
About the Editor: Wyatt Remington Tater
Column: Straight Shootin’ with Wyatt
Wyatt Remington Tater is a sophomore Agricultural Economics major from rural Arkansas. He’s president of Young Traditional Americans, refuses to take off his Trump hat (even indoors), and believes the university is pushing socialism through algebra.
When not quoting the Constitution mid-class, Wyatt enjoys grilling meats, defending liberty, and accusing campus Wi-Fi of being woke. His column, Straight Shootin’ with Wyatt, delivers unfiltered takes with zero nuance and 100% conviction.
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