Worldly News:
Artemis II Launch May Have Been FAKED
Flickering feed, CGI animations, and a chemtrail left by the rocket raise questions.
Trump to Pardon Diddy, Deploying Him to Middle East to Address Oil Crisis
Does Donny dare Diddy to defuse the desert’s diesel dilemma? Can Diddy deliver?
In Honor of Summer, Congress Petitions to Rename ‘Orange Creamsicles’ to ‘Trumpsicles’
Critics questioned the timing of the proposal amid an active legislative calendar.
See Old News
Trump fires Kristi Noem, to replace with Jared Fogle
Aides noted he stood a footlong above the other candidates, and understands the administration's overall vision.
MAGA rejoices as Purebreds prevail over Shelter Dogs
League officials maintained that the result reflected performance metrics alone. Bad Puppy halftime shows smashes records.
Campus Bulletins:
Finance & Capitalism:
Using experimental methods to cross-reference astrological charts with bipartisan dogwatch groups, The Institute has developed a new stock forecasting method called economysticism. Learn more by keeping up with the regal and repugnant Bankin’ Baitman’s Quartlery, which publishes semi-annually. $$$
Opinion Column:
Free Speech, But Within Reason
Campus activists successfully defended free expression this week by ensuring nobody could hear the person expressing it. Opinion – By Savannah Bloom
In Defense of Dr Peterson
You can shout down a man, but you cannot shout down the truth. Especially when the truth has a podcast. Opinion – By Wyatt Remington Tater
Poly Means Poly
Our mascot has been telling us who we are this entire time. Some of you simply weren’t listening. Opinion – By Zayden “Sunwolf” Cline
What If Truth Wasn’t a Side?
Everybody wants the truth. The trouble starts when we decide it already belongs to us. Opinion – By Rusty (from library computer)
Advice Column:
“Fluffing” – A New Trend To Satisfy Your Husband
Bringing this one small practice into your marriage could change everything. Advice – By Grace Ann Whitlock
“Boo Caucees” – A New Way to Check Whyte-Privilege on Campus
A disruptive new campus ritual aims to hold whyteness accountable — one boo at a time. Advice – By Roxy Blackthorn
Sports:
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