By Dr. Caleb Frond, Ph.D. (Socio-Emotional Migration & Wellness Ecology)
Department of Interpersonal Influence and Scented Decision-Making, The Baitman’s Institute
Published in The Baitman’s Journal of Cultural Drift and Personal Compromise, April 2025
Abstract
This study explores the correlation between romantic involvement with astrology-inclined women and statistically significant lifestyle alterations in male partners, particularly a marked increase in reggae concert attendance. Using a nationally weighted sample of 1,236 heterosexual male respondents aged 24–42, we found that dating a self-identified “astrology girl” increases the likelihood of attending a reggae or reggae-adjacent event by 52.4%, and simultaneously increases exposure to crystals, tarot, vegan nachos, and the phrase “you’re not in your body right now.” We introduce a new framework for analyzing this phenomenon: Celestial Influence Transmission (CIT).
Introduction
Astrology, once a niche esoteric tradition, has reentered mainstream dating culture with overwhelming force. While the science behind horoscopes remains nonexistent, belief in zodiac-driven compatibility has skyrocketed, particularly among women aged 21–38, who now make up 87% of Moon Phase content producers on social media.
Meanwhile, a quiet but measurable trend has emerged: their boyfriends keep showing up at reggae shows, confused and sunburnt, holding coconut water, and wearing beaded necklaces they did not buy themselves.
This paper asks: What the hell is happening?
Methodology
Subject Selection
Male-identifying respondents aged 24–42
In a romantic relationship (past or present) with a woman who:
References Mercury retrograde unprompted
Owns more than one deck of tarot cards
Has suggested “your aura is heavy” in a serious tone
Survey Tools
The Astrology Partner Influence Index (APII)
The Reggae Exposure Likelihood Scale (RELS)
The Crystal Proximity Tolerance Meter (CPTM)
Passive scent analysis using sandalwood-saturated environments
Surveys were self-reported, with follow-up interviews conducted via Zoom while the subject burned something in the background “to clear the energy.”
Results
| Behavioral Shift | Non-Astrology Partners (%) | Astrology Partners (%) | Δ (Change) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Attended a reggae or jam-band concert | 14.2% | 66.6% | +52.4% |
| Referred to themselves using birth chart | 3.1% | 39.8% | +36.7% |
| Began saying “alignment” instead of “plan” | 1.9% | 43.3% | +41.4% |
| Tolerated crystals in shower area | 12.5% | 71.1% | +58.6% |
| Reported waking up to “singing bowl alarm” | 0.3% | 35.4% | +35.1% |
| Admitted they “almost got into astrology” | 0.0% | 24.7% | +24.7% |
Table 1: Measurable Lifestyle Drift Among Men Exposed to Astrological Romantic Influence
Case Study: Subject 144 – “Ethan”
Ethan, 29, originally self-identified as a “low-maintenance guy, into hiking, whiskey, and arguing about movies.”
After dating a Leo with a Scorpio rising, his weekly routine now includes:
Saturday sound baths
Carrying an “emotional grounding stone” in his left pocket
Attending two reggae festivals a year
Making eye contact with a goat while microdosing “to commune”
When asked why he complied, Ethan said:
“She said my Mars energy was stagnant, and I didn’t want to ruin the eclipse portal.”
Discussion
The data suggest that exposure to astrology-based romantic partners acts as a cultural softening agent, gradually reshaping male identity through subtle coercion masked as “growth.” This transformation begins with passive listening (“She’s into astrology, but I’m chill about it”) and often ends with full spiritual assimilation (“We’re both Aquariuses, but not in a competitive way”).
We identify three primary influence mechanisms:
Scent-Driven Persuasion (SDP)
Prolonged exposure to incense, essential oils, and scented candles disrupts logical reasoning and boosts compliance.
Mystical Guilt Loops (MGL)
Statements like “Your energy is closed off” or “You’re not honoring your third house” create defensiveness and surrender.
Ragaeonal Desensitization (RD)
After three reggae shows, the subject stops resisting basslines, accepts the communal sway, and may eventually attempt hula hooping.
Conclusion
Dating a woman who believes in astrology is not without consequences. Our findings suggest it increases the probability of reggae exposure by over 50%, and drastically alters male behavior in several measurable domains, including hygiene rituals, language use, and acceptance of moon-based scheduling.
As Dr. Frond concludes:
“The stars don’t lie. But she might—about how many concerts you’ll be going to.”
References
Frond, C. et al. (2025). Astrological Partner Influence and the Erosion of Male Identity.
One guy at Burning Man who gave us unsolicited relationship advice
A note found tucked into a dream journal reading: “Don’t resist the moon, Chad.”
Group chat messages containing “I’m just really in my Saturn Return right now.”
A Reggae festival flyer found inside a copy of The Four Agreements
The Baitman’s Institute is a satirical media project created for educational and entertainment purposes. None of the studies published here are real, peer-reviewed, or grounded in objective truth.
Our goal is to demonstrate how easily scientific-sounding misinformation can be shared online, especially when it’s dressed up to look credible.
If you shared this unironically, you may want to reconsider your qualifications to “do your own research.”