World News:
MAGA rejoices as Purebreds prevail over Shelter Dogs
League officials maintained that the result reflected performance metrics alone.
In Honor of Summer, Congress Petitions to Rename ‘Orange Creamsicles’ to ‘Trumpsicles’
Critics questioned the timing of the proposal amid an active legislative calendar.
Campus Bulletins:
Opinion Column:
We Need a New Economic System
Communism gets one more chance, this time led by six roommates with a chore wheel and a crystal grid. Opinion – By Savannah Bloom
The Economy Had It Coming
America was getting too soft! Now that nobody can afford eggs, maybe we’ll finally return to our roots. Opinion – By Wyatt Remington Tater
We’re Not Broken, Just Disconnected
War, greed, and anger could all be healed if the world would just agree to microdose and vibe simultaneously. Opinion – By Zayden “Sunwolf” Cline
What If Truth Wasn’t a Side?
You don’t have to scream to be right. A quiet voice in the noise asks: when did we start using facts as weapons? Opinion – By Rusty (from library computer)
Advice Column:
“Fluffing” – A New Trend To Satisfy Your Husband
Bringing this one small practice into your marriage could change everything. Advice – By Grace Ann Whitlock
“Boo Caucees” – A New Way to Check Whyte-Privilege on Campus
A disruptive new campus ritual aims to hold whyteness accountable — one boo at a time. Advice – By Roxy Blackthorn
Sports:
The Scoreboard Ticker is brought to you byAspartAids™,the official diet sweetener cleanse sponsor of your Pugnacious Possums!
Weather:
