By Dr. Brynn Satherly, Ph.D., Th.M. (Ecclesiastical Sociology & Hidden Resentment Metrics)
Department of Post-Theological Behavior and Suppressed Religious Gloating, Baitman’s Institute
Published in the Baitman’s Journal of Passive-Aggressive Faith and Ritualized Schadenfreude, May 2025
Abstract
A confidential meta-analysis conducted by the Baitman’s Institute for Ecclesiastical Sociology has revealed that, among certain judgmental Catholic subgroups, the passing of Pope Francis has been received with a measurable undercurrent of private enthusiasm.
Researchers attribute this response to lingering frustrations with Francis’s progressive policies on inclusion, poverty, and social reform.
Internal Celebration Index (ICI) scores spiked sharply in targeted Traditionalist Catholic communities and private ecclesiastical forums immediately following the announcement of the Pope’s death.
Introduction
Pope Francis, elected in 2013, became known globally for his more inclusive stance toward marginalized groups, progressive social teachings, and emphasis on humility over hierarchical power.
While widely praised across much of the world, his papacy consistently drew ire from more judgmental, traditionalist factions within the Church who viewed his reforms as diluting “true doctrine.”
The Baitman’s Institute hypothesized that, despite public displays of mourning, many of these groups would experience internal emotional satisfaction at the opportunity for a potential doctrinal reversal.
Methodology
Researchers scraped over 7,500 posts across:
Private Catholic Facebook groups
Twitter threads attached to major news outlets
Niche forums dedicated to Traditionalist theology
Emotion Analysis Algorithms™ measured linguistic patterns correlated with schadenfreude, righteous indignation, and covert celebration.
Focus group interviews were conducted under Vatican II Standard Psychological Anonymization Protocols™, with special incentives offered: participants received free “Latin Mass Lives Matter” bumper stickers.
Data integrity was cross-validated against the Sanctimonious Hyperbole Correction Index™ (SHCI).
Results
Emotion scanning yielded the following key behavioral metrics:
| Behavior Type | Percentage Observed |
|---|---|
| Subtle joy memes (old saints with swords) | 51% |
| Open declarations of ‘good riddance’ | 29% |
| Hopes for “ultra-traditional” successor | 38% |
| Blaming liberals for Church decline | 22% |
Specific language markers included:
“Finally, we can return to orthodoxy.”
“Good riddance to the socialist globalist puppet.”
“Maybe we’ll get a Pope who believes in judgment again.”
The Internal Celebration Index (ICI) for this event scored 84% higher than baseline measurements collected during previous papal transitions (e.g., Benedict XVI’s retirement).
Incident Report
As part of standard employee wellness initiatives, Becky from HR organized a grief counseling session for staff members struggling with the emotional impact of the Pope’s passing.
The session, titled “Healing and Unity: Processing Ecclesiastical Transition,” included:
Tissues arranged into cross shapes
Soft Gregorian chant ambient playlists
Complimentary herbal teas blessed (unofficially) by Becky’s neighbor, Dave
However, the session was accidentally derailed when Otis (Institute janitor and unlicensed morale consultant) stumbled in holding a makeshift sympathy card crafted from printer paper, duct tape, and what appeared to be a photocopied picture of Pope Francis smiling awkwardly.
Inside the card, Otis had written:
“Sorry your Pope died, but at least now maybe church can stop being lame.”
Unexpectedly, over 68% of the Traditionalist focus group participants polled gave the card a rating of “highly relatable” on the Spiritual Sentiment Alignment Scale™.
Rusty later repurposed the card as an emergency waterproof patch for his raincoat, citing it as “poetically appropriate.”
Conflicting Analysis
Outside the limited judgmental subgroups studied, larger global surveys paint a different picture:
Pew Research Center (2023) found that over 70% of worldwide Catholics viewed Pope Francis favorably, especially among youth demographics and in Latin America.
The Jesuit Review emphasized Francis’s impact in reducing divisions across the broader Christian community.
The Vatican Statistical Office reported an increase in charitable works and social outreach initiatives under Francis’s leadership.
Traditionalist backlash remains a localized phenomenon primarily confined to heavily insular ideological networks.
The Baitman’s Institute respectfully acknowledges these findings… while noting that such empirical realities had minimal detectable impact on meme generation rates within Traditionalist communities.
Conclusion
Despite public facades of solemnity, measurable internal emotional metrics suggest that a significant subset of judgmental Catholics are quietly celebrating Pope Francis’s death.
The Institute recommends further research into Schadenfreude Liturgical Realignment Theory, Posthumous Doctrinal Realignment Anxiety Disorders, and the emerging psychological phenomena of Saint-Based Smugness Syndromes.
Meanwhile, Otis has been banned from submitting additional sympathy cards pending legal review.
References
“Internal Celebration Metrics Following Religious Leadership Changes” — Baitman’s Institute Journal of Ecclesiastical Psychology, 2025.
“Latent Schadenfreude in Faith Communities” — Journal of Cognitive Emotional Metrics, 2024.
“Theological Implications of Meme-Based Grief” — Digital Ecclesia Quarterly, 2025.
“Papal Transition Dynamics and Media Misrepresentation” — Sociology of Religion Review, 2025.
“Rusty’s Field Guide to Improvised Outerwear Repairs” — Baitman’s Applied Sciences Working Paper, March 2025.
